Fucked Fate

 

Being from the sunshine state 

Has fucked my fate 

With seasonal depression in the Carolinas

Being asked by my abusive grandfather at 12 

If I really needed to eat that ice cream 

Amongst all the other teasing 

Of my skinniest of all time body phases

Fucked my fate with my body image

I still recoil when my belly is touched 

Especially at the stretch marks 

Left behind by two pregnancies

When this alone should be celebrated 

Being sexually assaulted by someone I know

Fucked my fate with building trust 

Being the daughter of two addicts  

Fucked my fate with drug & alcohol use

It’s a very cautious dance

I have to choose my vices wisely

Needing to control every situation as a child

Can leave you spiraling out of control as an adult

Cycles have been broken

Almost taking me with them

Words have been spoken

That will forever wound my soul

I grow stronger every day

Learning to love myself

Along the way

So don’t come to me 

With your pleasantries 

Unveil your truth and scars

Our time here is finite

If it isn’t raw and honest 

Is it even worth it?

💫Amber Comber

#poetry #poetrycommunity #words #healing #writeitout #writeitdown #poem #tarot #tarotcards

Women and Children First

I heard that the women 

Aboard the titanic  

Ran to the mirror to 

Apply lipstick 

As the boat was sinking

I imagine their terror and 

Them choosing this ritual 

To attempt to quell anxiety 

Has always resonated with me 

Now I wonder if lipstick 

Will disappear altogether

I am sure the demand is down 

During these masked times 

Loved ones have died 

Future plans don’t exist 

Live music, my religion 

Can no longer be experienced 

 People cry and 

 I am expected to comfort 

 People lie and

I am supposed to believe 

 People hate and 

 Still I fight to love 

 I work every shift gasping for air 

 At the threshold 

 Of my next panic attack

I am tired 

 So 

Very 

Tired 

 Feeling more expendable 

 And less than essential 

 My wonder at the world 

 Has turned to worry 

 Looking for those slivers 

 Of light and hope 

 To carry me through 

Proves to be difficult 

 Yet here I am 

 Still hunting... 

 💫Amber Comber

 #poetry #words #poems #healing #anxiety #writeitout #hope #fear #love #writer