With a can of beer beside it
Almost like you were
Coming right back
But it had been fourteen days
Since your body finally decided to
Surrender to the war you
Waged against it for so many years
I could see the imprint in the sofa
Where you spent your time alone
The room was forever stained
With stale cigarette smoke
Like the local dive bar
You used to waste your time in
The reality of it all punched me in the gut
I'm sorry I sent the cops over last month
Because you sounded like you just had a stroke
I know the attention upset you and
The holidays must have been hard for you all alone
I'm sorry that I never mailed that card
With the photos from our last visit
I'm sorry I didn't call more
I'm sorry for so many fucking things
But mostly
That I will never see you again
I hope you know I loved and forgave you
We are all human making it however we can
I know you spent those last days calling me
Trying to apologize in all the ways you never knew how
I know one day I will be able to listen to Neil Young
Without having rivers
Waterfall from my eyes
I know it will get easier when people
Give their condolences after hearing about you
I will hold our visit last Summer in my mind
Locked away with a key no one can find
So it doesn't get left in the Sun
Fading with each passing day
I went to Kerouac's favorite bar after seeing you
Thinking of his death and worrying about your life
I wrote about our visit because I had to
That is how I process and release the things
That weigh too heavy in my heart
"I hope in the end we all truly find peace
I hope in the end we all feel loved
I hope in the end we are released
From all the pain, sadness, and regret
That we numb ourselves from daily."
There were 600 miles between us
I knew the morning I saw that beautiful sunrise
And heard Bill Fay sing Jesus Etc.
That the Universe was telling me something
I hope your flight was free from pain and filled with peace.
~Amber Comber (February 2015)
