My firstborn is turning twelve this year
And I will be forty in a month
Time is moving like a freight train
And I feel tied to the tracks
He still has that fleeting innocence
Lets me hold him
When his friends aren't near
I see him looking in wonder
At the world around him
As he holds one of the many babies
He has grown to adore
And I have to catch my breath
For he is my beautiful boy
With long golden hair
And a trusting heart
Who gets called a girl almost daily
Refusing to cut his locks
He just smiles, looking shyly away
As I fiercely correct them
Why can't a boy have long hair?
I fear this world and
The ignorance it breeds
I want to shine a light
On all the beauty and
Humanity that is left
Hiding in the dark corners
Waiting to be nurtured
Manifested and multiplied
By minds and hearts like his
I never want him to lose his faith
In whatever he chooses to believe in
To want and know to call me
When his good judgment fails him
That I will always love and forgive him
Gently encouraging life's lessons
It's the growing and learning from them
That really matter
I want to protect him
Keep him from harm
I know this is impossible
Kids will be cruel
He will fall in love
His heart will break
And I won't be able to fix it
This has to be
The most helpless
Feeling
In the world
We all make mistakes
Have failures
But to nurture that seed of hope
That I still see in his eyes
Stop him from being jaded
Knowing he can change what
Rest uneasy with his soul
That he can be strong
Yet gentle while
Still being a "man"
That tears and laughter
Are equally as important and
Not to be ashamed of either
That music is sacred and to
Never lose your love for it
Or the movement it inspires within you
I have never seen you smile as bright
As you do while dancing
It will be the soundtrack
To your first love
Help heal your first heartbreak
Help you rage and release
What angers you
Keep us connected when we
Don't understand one another
I've seen that look of pride you give me
When we are singing together
You are just like I was as a child
Playing your favorite song on repeat
Learning the lyrics like psalms
Richie Havens died today
That was your first concert at
Less than a month old
Cocooned in my sling
I was now a mother and
This show
Was our soundtrack
I could barely breathe from
The intense beauty of it all
His voice full of hope and promise
Me being responsible for this new life
Nuzzled at my chest
Your complete trust in me
And my intense adoration for you
Making me see the light that I lost
That I never really knew love
Before I held you in my arms
"Here Comes The Sun"
Will never sound like it did that night
Like I was hearing it for the first time
Moving me to tears while
Gazing into your eyes
Vowing to always be there for you
As I hope you know I am.
~Amber C. Smith
