Slumber

I am restless
My husband sleeping next to me
I listen to his breathing
My oldest son awakes from a dream
He climbs in bed between us
I lie still
Listening to them both breathe
Tossing, turning, jealous of their sleep
I try all my routines
Reading, writing, trying to clear
This busy mind of mine
I crawl in bed with my youngest child
I match my breathing rhythms to his
Tricking my body into being lulled to sleep
Nestled up close to him
Feeling like a thief
Trying to steal just a bit of his
Peace
But a train calls loudly in the distance
While the Sun creeps slowly through the
Window
And my soul is restless
Once again...

Solstice Approaching

The days have shortened and so has my energy. I find myself wanting to be in my cave with my family. Some call this seasonal depression but I find it to be more of an intense love for my family. I am not sad at home, I am content. I do not miss the noisy overpriced bars. They seem lonely to me & the rare times I do go out to them I am always thankful to come home to what really matters. (Live music on the other hand will usually always get me out of the house). Me & my husband often talk about how in love we are with our boys & we've always had this sense of urgency to spend time together. Maybe because we both work full time & our boys change with the blink of an eye. Maybe because my heart is always hurting when they are not around. Maybe it's the way they still run to greet me with a big hug screaming "momma!" when I come home from work or an evening out. How the nights they wake and crawl into bed with us outnumber the nights they don't. I think we have also seen tragedies; ones that make you clutch your family close reminding you that time is all too precious & fleeting. I think being a mom is the best thing I will ever be. I get stressed about money, bills, the dirty house, the things we need and can't afford..... then I stop to realize all I could possibly need is in this room, in front of a warm fire, and cuddled next to me. Knowing that we share this love and comfort, what more could I possibly want or need?

Mc Alpine Trail

Me & Riley have been walking Mc Alpine trail after we drop brother off at TKD. I have looked forward to these walks with Riley, we get to connect on a different level without the older brother dynamic. He is always talkative and spoils me with gifts. Heart shaped leaves, dead butterflies, flowers, but most of all the world seen through his eyes. He loves to chase dragonflies and takes the time to read all the habitat signs with me. We learn about the birds, ducks, trees & flowers that surround us. He shares his day with me and stops to see the sunlight break through the bright green leaves. The trail is long with hills and winding roads and my heart smiles when he reaches for my hand. He will hold my hand most of the way until he runs ahead to chase a dragonfly or race his dog. Today we froze in our tracks as three deer ran across our path; it was amazing to see in this park surrounded by a city. I was glad they let us wander through their forest and I am forever grateful for these cherished memories.

Orange Blossoms

The scent of orange blossoms surround me and
I cannot help but think of you
Your long hair, awkward beauty, and whip smart intelligence
The way you could make any crisis of mine
Seem like a great adventure at the time
I ran circles around you
Trying to catch
Just a little of your light
I was amazed
How it radiated from you
How you didn't even try
It just came naturally
I miss the warmth of you
The knowing that you were there
The feeling that the world
Could crumble around us
And we would still stand tall
Shaking and laughing from the fall

The Ghost of Carl Sandburg

POPPIES
by Carl Sandburg
SHE loves blood-red poppies for a garden to walk in.
In a loose white gown she walks
and a new child tugs at cords in her body.
Her head to the west at evening when the dew is creeping,
A shudder of gladness runs in her bones and torsal fiber:
She loves blood-red poppies for a garden to walk in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I became enamored 

By the ghost of Carl Sandburg

It was mid June 

The intoxicating breeze of

Sweetgrass swirled around me

I walked through bamboo forest

Blooming gardens and

Pastures with goats 

Nuzzled by their young

It was full of all the simple 

Beauty of life

My feet fell humbly 

On the ground below me

As I honored the wonder 

That surrounded me

I relished in it

Like a child seeing 

For the very first time...

~Amber Comber

Solace

This is where my solace is found
Walking up the mountain
Amongst butterflies & lush trees
My children laughing & running ahead
Breathing in sweet oxygen like I never have before
Crossing streams with wooden bridges
With no urban sounds to be heard
My muscles ache with each elevated step
But my body pushes through each breath
I see a clearing ahead and can hear the falling water
I am almost there....

My Expanding Heart

There is nothing like experiencing something you hold sacred and dear with the ones you love. I took my boys to Merle Fest to see The Avett Brothers. My oldest son Greyson has been to a couple of shows but this was Riley's first show. It was HOT that day but we brought plenty of water and found a shady spot by the garden to await the The Avett's. They closed the show so by the time they came to the stage the rest of the family was wiped out, of course I wanted to get as close as possible; I can't stand feeling disconnected with the music. I was going to go it alone when Riley said "I will go with you mom! " So we trudged through the crowd of screaming fans and blistering sun while I held tight to his tiny hand. When the second song started he recognized it, sang along, and whispered into my ear with a sweet smile" Mom I can't believe we are seeing the Avett Brothers". My heart melted!

My oldest son Greyson found my Mother's Day gift at one of the Local Vendor's tents (Old Man Turtle Designs). It is a family owned business with amazing stones. There was a Red Creek Jasper pendant that had not been wrapped yet, my husband told Greyson to pick something else out. Greyson insisted on the big heart because he wanted to show me how much he loved me. I will have a hard time wearing any other necklace now and would choose it over emeralds and diamonds any day.I will always remember these moments, they will carry me through the harder times in my life and I will cling to them with a smile while fighting back the tears because it is all so bittersweet and time doesn't wait for anyone no matter how hard I try.

Wings

Scout Niblett KISS


~The weight on her shoulders made cracks in her spine
Her arms curved towards her chest
Like wings
Protecting the most important organ
That seemed to break
So easily
Thinking she hid it well enough
To be kept from harm
She did not realize her slow, downward spiral
Towards fetal position
She had smelled the night blooming jasmine
Tasted the evening rain
But nothing could numb her from the pain
Of a tired and broken heart
She wanted more; she had asked for more
It was plainly seen in her eyes
But it's easy to go through the motions
And not listen to the pleading cries~

Thank You to Vincent Moon & his Take Away Shows

The Take Away Show series was shared with me several years ago, thank goodness! I try and share this beauty of organically captured music in natural surroundings with as many people as I can. It is amazing, simple , and inspirational to me. I can't thank Vincent Moon & the various performers enough. Here are a few of my favorites; I could get lost in all the rare performances for days.
Enjoy!

Fleet Foxes - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Letter to My Dad (February 2008)

Man the memory can be a bitch.
Smacking you in the face when you least expect it.
It can also be sweet & welcoming,
Watercolored visions fading in & out of my mind.
Sure I remember the alcohol & drugs
The home invasions & knife fights
I remember you beating in walls & smashing windows
So you wouldn't hit us
I remember the constant dissappointment in my mother's eyes
And the need of a little boy & girl to be acknowledged.
I remember being so angry with you
Anger that ate away at my very core
My spine too weak to fight
I just grew sick & hateful
Angry at the world & the why's
Hoping you would leave & missing you when you did
Hoping you would change & hating you when you didn't
I use to be so angry that I forgot
Forgot the music, the guitars, the singing
The croquet on the soft green grass
The fish fries from the afternoon's catch
The red stationwagon & singing REO Speedwagon
The airplane rides & the laughter
The feeling of safety knowing you were there
To fight the monsters that were under my bed.
Looking back now I'm just sad
And I don't blame anyone
What can you blame it on?
Your father, his father?
Your childhood, the drugs & alcohol?
Pointing the finger won't change what happened.
I learned alot from you:
What I will not accept in my life
What I deserve as a mother & wife
And most importantly, what my children deserve
Oh and the music, what would I have done without the music.....
~Amber C. Smith

"My Heart Like a Kick Drum, My Love Like a Voice"

~Music is my religion
I knew it
From the first note I heard
I remembered lyrics
Like psalms from the bible
And my soul was saved
When I experienced my first concert
I knew music would always be
An integral part of my life
It's gotten me through
Break ups and Breakdowns
Coming up and coming down
I still get anxious before a show
Like a first kiss every time
My friends and I have communicated by
Trading mixed tapes and CD's
That speak more than any language~

*This is just a handful of shows that I've seen recently, I wish I had photos of all the bands I've seen. I do however have a photo album of ticket stubs.*