My Expanding Heart

There is nothing like experiencing something you hold sacred and dear with the ones you love. I took my boys to Merle Fest to see The Avett Brothers. My oldest son Greyson has been to a couple of shows but this was Riley's first show. It was HOT that day but we brought plenty of water and found a shady spot by the garden to await the The Avett's. They closed the show so by the time they came to the stage the rest of the family was wiped out, of course I wanted to get as close as possible; I can't stand feeling disconnected with the music. I was going to go it alone when Riley said "I will go with you mom! " So we trudged through the crowd of screaming fans and blistering sun while I held tight to his tiny hand. When the second song started he recognized it, sang along, and whispered into my ear with a sweet smile" Mom I can't believe we are seeing the Avett Brothers". My heart melted!

My oldest son Greyson found my Mother's Day gift at one of the Local Vendor's tents (Old Man Turtle Designs). It is a family owned business with amazing stones. There was a Red Creek Jasper pendant that had not been wrapped yet, my husband told Greyson to pick something else out. Greyson insisted on the big heart because he wanted to show me how much he loved me. I will have a hard time wearing any other necklace now and would choose it over emeralds and diamonds any day.I will always remember these moments, they will carry me through the harder times in my life and I will cling to them with a smile while fighting back the tears because it is all so bittersweet and time doesn't wait for anyone no matter how hard I try.

Wings

Scout Niblett KISS


~The weight on her shoulders made cracks in her spine
Her arms curved towards her chest
Like wings
Protecting the most important organ
That seemed to break
So easily
Thinking she hid it well enough
To be kept from harm
She did not realize her slow, downward spiral
Towards fetal position
She had smelled the night blooming jasmine
Tasted the evening rain
But nothing could numb her from the pain
Of a tired and broken heart
She wanted more; she had asked for more
It was plainly seen in her eyes
But it's easy to go through the motions
And not listen to the pleading cries~

Thank You to Vincent Moon & his Take Away Shows

The Take Away Show series was shared with me several years ago, thank goodness! I try and share this beauty of organically captured music in natural surroundings with as many people as I can. It is amazing, simple , and inspirational to me. I can't thank Vincent Moon & the various performers enough. Here are a few of my favorites; I could get lost in all the rare performances for days.
Enjoy!

Fleet Foxes - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Letter to My Dad (February 2008)

Man the memory can be a bitch.
Smacking you in the face when you least expect it.
It can also be sweet & welcoming,
Watercolored visions fading in & out of my mind.
Sure I remember the alcohol & drugs
The home invasions & knife fights
I remember you beating in walls & smashing windows
So you wouldn't hit us
I remember the constant dissappointment in my mother's eyes
And the need of a little boy & girl to be acknowledged.
I remember being so angry with you
Anger that ate away at my very core
My spine too weak to fight
I just grew sick & hateful
Angry at the world & the why's
Hoping you would leave & missing you when you did
Hoping you would change & hating you when you didn't
I use to be so angry that I forgot
Forgot the music, the guitars, the singing
The croquet on the soft green grass
The fish fries from the afternoon's catch
The red stationwagon & singing REO Speedwagon
The airplane rides & the laughter
The feeling of safety knowing you were there
To fight the monsters that were under my bed.
Looking back now I'm just sad
And I don't blame anyone
What can you blame it on?
Your father, his father?
Your childhood, the drugs & alcohol?
Pointing the finger won't change what happened.
I learned alot from you:
What I will not accept in my life
What I deserve as a mother & wife
And most importantly, what my children deserve
Oh and the music, what would I have done without the music.....
~Amber C. Smith

"My Heart Like a Kick Drum, My Love Like a Voice"

~Music is my religion
I knew it
From the first note I heard
I remembered lyrics
Like psalms from the bible
And my soul was saved
When I experienced my first concert
I knew music would always be
An integral part of my life
It's gotten me through
Break ups and Breakdowns
Coming up and coming down
I still get anxious before a show
Like a first kiss every time
My friends and I have communicated by
Trading mixed tapes and CD's
That speak more than any language~

*This is just a handful of shows that I've seen recently, I wish I had photos of all the bands I've seen. I do however have a photo album of ticket stubs.*

Revolving Door (April 2009)

He grabbed her hand
The pen traced her skin
With a number
And a promise
Of seeing her again
It was a chance meeting
In an ordinary place
Like it always was
And she already began to plot her escape
She'd been numbing it for years
The pain and regret never left
She just got used to dealing with it
As if she deserved it
Like it was some excuse for her
To put on her armor everyday
For the lovers that came and left
Before the sheets were warm
Before she had to share
A piece of her soul
She would wake to the blinding light
Violently shaking off the night
And the demons it brought with it
Dressing herself
For another day of
DISAPPOINTMENT.

"To Fix the Gash in Your Head" (September 2008)

The orange sun caresses your skin
Kissing each piece of flesh and
Gently placing it back on your bones
Your smile is beautiful and contagious
It stills my tired thoughts and worried mind
But I know I am just biding time
Until the demons dance again
For the morning comes like a thick and heavy blanket
That leaves me cold and shaking
And sometimes coffee just isn't enough...
Maybe if I turn up the music loud enough
I won't be able to hear the thoughts in my head
I won't think of Jill and how she left this world too early
Leaving just memories for her two beautiful girls
I would be able to control my fears and
Stop these tears from rolling down my cheek
And I would know that this lump is nothing
That these extra tests are just precautionary.......
But my mind keeps racing
And the fragility of it all
Overtakes me.

Creating Angels (October 2009)

(Photo of Me by Jules Keith-Le)

~Belly swollen
Ready for birth
Frightened by what
Two souls will bring
To the equation
Will my love be enough?
Will my heart swell
To hold it in
Or explode
Because it's too much
I hold Greyson close to me
It is 2am
And he sleeps
Peacefully
I tremble in fear
Knowing our lives
Will never be the same
My water breaks
And my tears pour
With the same
Intensity
There is no turning back
Now
I kiss my sleeping angel
And say goodbye 
Riley was born that morning
I remember the golden light
In the room
I remember the feeling
When I first held him in my arms
And clutched him to my naked breast
The power and intensity
Of creating such an angel
My body being able to nourish him
So he could grow and
Stumble to keep up with his
Brother
Who held him in his arms
With a smile that
Illuminated
The room
How could I ever doubt
The power of love
Or the bond of two
Brothers
And the capacity
Of a mother's
Heart~

Sparks

~She has

Awoken

Now

Aware

Of the electricity

That sparks

Around her

Creating a lulling

Buzz of bliss

She swims

Effortlessly

Through the

Monotony

That tries to

Shackle 

Her down

The power

That use to 

Frighten 

Her

Is now 

Wildly embraced

With a fuck it all

Fervor
To the questioning
Eyes that surround her
Shedding

Every layer of skin 
Away

That no longer 

Serves her
To finally feel
Weightless
To the world

That use to

Tower
Over her~

~Amber Comber

Garden Tub (December 2009)

She has a garden tub that she never bathes in
And a heart that has grown cancerous through the years
Never admitting the reasons why she gave up on love
She just settles daily for the life that she's been given
Don't get me wrong she is surrounded by love
But love she has not chosen
And cannot feel
For she grew numb to it years ago
When the man she gave her life to
Walked silently out the door
Leaving her behind with a child
So he could find himself
While she lost herself
She has watched this child grow
Everyday
His face reminding her
Of the husband who disappeared
And she settled for another lover
One that does not make her heart flutter
Or her knees weak
One that helps pay the bills
And agrees always
Quite boringly
There are no sparks
No flames
Just a constant longing
For something more........