Kingdom of Ruin

I always find peace 

in spaces 

Where nature is reclaiming what’s hers 

Watching concrete walls crumble 

From the wild vines that grow like veins 

Bringing new life to what was stagnant

Destruction can be beautiful and necessary

Nothing is permanent 

No matter how hard

You fight for it to be.

~Amber Comber

Slaying Doubt

My life has always 

Been

On the outside 

Looking in

I am learning to love

And not just exist

In my own skin

Be still in the moments

I’m riddled with

Doubts and anxiety

Letting the fear of the future

Wash away from me

The ebb and flow

Of lovingly holding 

The moments that 

Sustain me

Knowing I will be

Weathered and changed

But these storms won’t

Define me and

The rain is necessary 

To cleanse and nurture 

This garden 

That is beginning to 

Flourish around me.

~Amber Comber

For Lorelei

I fell asleep

With you 

Heavy

On my mind

I dreamt 

I was twirling

Wearing a sea foam

Green, gossamer skirt

Watching it billow

And fall

Lost in nostalgia 

Barefoot under 

The waning moon

The ground covered

In moss and clover...

I awoke this morning 

To Neko 

Sweetly singing

Middle Cyclone

To me...

I carry you with me

Down lost country roads

I miss your presence

Your wild laughter 

And being my

Partner in crime

On so many

Abandoned adventures 

I need the tangible 

Version of you

Especially when the leaves

Start to swan dive

And the air comes clean and cool

Forgetting all the sadness of Summer.

❤️ Amber Comber

Give Up the Ghost:

The leaves begin 

To dance from

Their limbs

Falling to their death

In a sweet surrender

To selflessly

Give beauty 

And await rebirth

I watch in wonder

Wanting to do the same

Autumn makes me ache

With nostalgia and

The fear of letting go

I wound too easily

Holding on too hard

Time will fade

The bruising

But the light

Will always reveal

My scars.

~Amber Comber

Broken Receiver

If the fall doesn't kill you

The constant ache will

And holding on 

To something 

For nothing

Was never part of the deal

These tears no longer cleanse me

They just make it harder to see

And the ghosts I invite in

To keep me company

Are just trying to kill

What's left of me.

~Amber Comber

Dirty Windows

Bruises on my knees and
A hunger in my heart
Chasing light is exhausting
It's easier to see in the dark
You bring me up
To tear me down and
This liquid courage
Just leads to
Shaky ground
We rise and fall
Barely surviving
At all
Making
No apologies
For what we need
To feel free...

~Amber Comber

Like a Dream’s Dream (a Copy’s Copy)

Zelda Fitzgerald slept in this bed

Staying in this very room of the Wolfe house

Whilst attempting to write her second novel

F. Scott Fitzgerald had been dead for three years

Her husband demanded her first novel to be revised:

"I can’t get on with my husband and I can’t live away from him…I’m so tired of compromises. Shaving off one part of oneself after another until there is nothing left…" 

Many pieces of her writings 

Were already woven into her husband’s stories 

She would just smile and say "plagiarism begins at home..."

Some considered her to be crazy

Imagine, living in the shadow of your own story

The words you wrote privately 

Whether to your husband or in a diary

Being used for his benefit and the world to see...

She checked herself in and out of Highland Hospital 

On the evening of March 10th 1948 

She was 1 of 9 women that died in a fire 

Locked inside a room she couldn’t escape.

Her own story still unwritten...

~Amber Comber

Ecstasy

I ran 

barefoot 

On the cool grass 

Gently

On the hard asphalt

Honeysuckle and fireflies

Chasing me 

Towards the

Blood

Orange 

Sunset 

My joints feeling

Every bit

Of my knees 

Bent 

On the stairs

Thrust 

Into

Summer

Thrust 

Into 

Pleasure

Thrust

Back

Into 

That moment

Of wanting

Nothing more.

~Amber Comber

Rhododendron

Nausea 

Loss of balance

Difficulty breathing

Internal screaming

Can kill you

Vibrant beauty 

Flowering 

Outside

While inside

Blossoms wither

Leaves, flower, and nectar

Dripping in "mad honey"

Will cause death

I hemorrhaged 

What was ours

But still howl

At her vision

Copper haired

And freckle faced

Standing at the threshold 

Under the new moon.

~Amber Comber

That Song

Maybe the howling never stopped

You just learned how to numb the pain

And quiet the voices in your head

I would watch you

Close your eyes

Always 

At the same time

Always

At the same part

To Neil Young's Old Man

Trying to stop the waterfall

That exhausted you your 

Whole fucking life

I know you hated your dad

For the same reasons I hated you

I made peace with those demons

My love grew louder than the hate

Your ghost tried to swallow me

After you passed away

I would lie awake at night

Praying I didn't become just like you

As I drank more whiskey and 

Swallowed another pill

Knowing I would never 

Understand

My sadness or yours

I almost slipped away with you

Asking for redemption 

Every foggy morning

Now I just let the dam break

Every time I hear Old Man

Not caring who sees me 

Knowing the tears are healing

Remembering that music saves 

That bar lights will never

Nourish me like sunlight

That you loved me 

More than yourself

And forgiveness is 

Salve for the soul.

~Amber Comber 

Yearning

I howl in my sleep

Sauntering through rooms

Of forgotten dreams

I can no longer keep

Failures like footsteps

Chase me down 

Your confidence 

Makes me cower

Your stillness

Makes me restless

Impossible to

Calm this mind 

And quiet the voices

That always echo

Loudly

In this quiet bed

Where my foolishness

Taunts me

And where I yearn

To belong...

~Amber Comber

Asphalt Dreams

Asphalt dreams

Nothing’s as it seems

I lose more each day

Trying to find a way

To unfuck all 

That’s gone wrong

Seeking solace 

In a song

Breathe in 

Breathe out

Find your center

And don’t bleed out...

~Amber Comber

The Ache of Spring

I know you’re hurt

I sense your bitterness

Your anger

 Is a dark

And violet cloud

That used to 

Adorn my thighs

I trained my rage 

For years 

To hibernate 

With every Winter

Until it finally woke 

With a fierceness 

To feed all 

The parts of me

That had been neglected

A hunger so sharp 

I thought I could never

Be soft again 

I have this card catalog 

Of memories

I don’t ever 

Want to remember 

I wish I could extract 

Each vivid 

Piece of paper

Burning them 

Under the New Moon

To feel 

The healing 

Begin

My sutures

Bound

With golden silk

Dissolving 

With the rite of Spring

Dancing dandelion threads 

Planting themselves

Like bare feet

Into the lushness 

Of technicolor beginnings...

~Amber Comber

#poetry #growth #spring

Ritual

Through clenched teeth 

You say you’re okay

But I know

There’s a better way

Loosen your grip

And lose control 

There’s no time

For taking it slow 

You can be my ritual

I can be your queen

Forsaken all those

Who don’t see

This fire burns 

Out of control

As above 

So below

Electricity buzzing

Heart rate is pumping

You will feel it coming

There is no more running

Wasted offerings 

No one sees

Doubts and ghosts

Strangling growth

Jagged teeth

Gnaw at my feet

As I move

Mercilessly 

It’s the habitual ritual 

That draws me to you

Howling at the moon

Primal and new

The magic of things

Lost between

These cracks

Of reality

Electricity buzzing

Heart rate is pumping

You will feel it coming

There is no more running

You will feel it coming

There is no more running X’s 2

It’s in the dark 

When you see

All that the light

Keeps pretty

Pierce through the veil

Find your way

The moon never lies

Don’t be afraid 

Honoring those 

That came before

Finding keys

To unlock doors

Fevered dreams

Sleepless nights

I only rest

By your side

Electricity buzzing

Heart rate is pumping

You will feel it coming

There is no more running

You will feel it coming

There is no more running X’s 2

Through clenched teeth 

You say you’re okay

But I know

There’s a better way

Loosen your grip

And lose control 

There’s no time

For taking it slow 

You can be my ritual

I can be your queen

Forsaken all those

Who don’t see

This fire burns 

Out of control

As above 

So below

As above 

So below X’s 3

~Amber Comber

Spring Equinox

We try to make new memories
With old stories
Like moving the antenna
On a television
Of static
To never find
The right channel
A collection of us
Combined
Lost behind
A padlock and door
Abandoned for strangers
To rummage through
As though it never
Existed
I lose myself in the sadness
The dead trees
The year without you
It's amazing
How I can shed it all
Like autumn leaves
To grow stronger
Inside
Through the winter
And come back
With a fierce green
To awaken
All that I thought
Could have never
Been.
~Amber Comber