Like a Dream’s Dream (a Copy’s Copy)

Zelda Fitzgerald slept in this bed

Staying in this very room of the Wolfe house

Whilst attempting to write her second novel

F. Scott Fitzgerald had been dead for three years

Her husband demanded her first novel to be revised:

"I can’t get on with my husband and I can’t live away from him…I’m so tired of compromises. Shaving off one part of oneself after another until there is nothing left…" 

Many pieces of her writings 

Were already woven into her husband’s stories 

She would just smile and say "plagiarism begins at home..."

Some considered her to be crazy

Imagine, living in the shadow of your own story

The words you wrote privately 

Whether to your husband or in a diary

Being used for his benefit and the world to see...

She checked herself in and out of Highland Hospital 

On the evening of March 10th 1948 

She was 1 of 9 women that died in a fire 

Locked inside a room she couldn’t escape.

Her own story still unwritten...

~Amber Comber

Ecstasy

I ran 

barefoot 

On the cool grass 

Gently

On the hard asphalt

Honeysuckle and fireflies

Chasing me 

Towards the

Blood

Orange 

Sunset 

My joints feeling

Every bit

Of my knees 

Bent 

On the stairs

Thrust 

Into

Summer

Thrust 

Into 

Pleasure

Thrust

Back

Into 

That moment

Of wanting

Nothing more.

~Amber Comber

Rhododendron

Nausea 

Loss of balance

Difficulty breathing

Internal screaming

Can kill you

Vibrant beauty 

Flowering 

Outside

While inside

Blossoms wither

Leaves, flower, and nectar

Dripping in "mad honey"

Will cause death

I hemorrhaged 

What was ours

But still howl

At her vision

Copper haired

And freckle faced

Standing at the threshold 

Under the new moon.

~Amber Comber

That Song

Maybe the howling never stopped

You just learned how to numb the pain

And quiet the voices in your head

I would watch you

Close your eyes

Always 

At the same time

Always

At the same part

To Neil Young's Old Man

Trying to stop the waterfall

That exhausted you your 

Whole fucking life

I know you hated your dad

For the same reasons I hated you

I made peace with those demons

My love grew louder than the hate

Your ghost tried to swallow me

After you passed away

I would lie awake at night

Praying I didn't become just like you

As I drank more whiskey and 

Swallowed another pill

Knowing I would never 

Understand

My sadness or yours

I almost slipped away with you

Asking for redemption 

Every foggy morning

Now I just let the dam break

Every time I hear Old Man

Not caring who sees me 

Knowing the tears are healing

Remembering that music saves 

That bar lights will never

Nourish me like sunlight

That you loved me 

More than yourself

And forgiveness is 

Salve for the soul.

~Amber Comber 

Yearning

I howl in my sleep

Sauntering through rooms

Of forgotten dreams

I can no longer keep

Failures like footsteps

Chase me down 

Your confidence 

Makes me cower

Your stillness

Makes me restless

Impossible to

Calm this mind 

And quiet the voices

That always echo

Loudly

In this quiet bed

Where my foolishness

Taunts me

And where I yearn

To belong...

~Amber Comber

Asphalt Dreams

Asphalt dreams

Nothing’s as it seems

I lose more each day

Trying to find a way

To unfuck all 

That’s gone wrong

Seeking solace 

In a song

Breathe in 

Breathe out

Find your center

And don’t bleed out...

~Amber Comber

The Ache of Spring

I know you’re hurt

I sense your bitterness

Your anger

 Is a dark

And violet cloud

That used to 

Adorn my thighs

I trained my rage 

For years 

To hibernate 

With every Winter

Until it finally woke 

With a fierceness 

To feed all 

The parts of me

That had been neglected

A hunger so sharp 

I thought I could never

Be soft again 

I have this card catalog 

Of memories

I don’t ever 

Want to remember 

I wish I could extract 

Each vivid 

Piece of paper

Burning them 

Under the New Moon

To feel 

The healing 

Begin

My sutures

Bound

With golden silk

Dissolving 

With the rite of Spring

Dancing dandelion threads 

Planting themselves

Like bare feet

Into the lushness 

Of technicolor beginnings...

~Amber Comber

#poetry #growth #spring

Ritual

Through clenched teeth 

You say you’re okay

But I know

There’s a better way

Loosen your grip

And lose control 

There’s no time

For taking it slow 

You can be my ritual

I can be your queen

Forsaken all those

Who don’t see

This fire burns 

Out of control

As above 

So below

Electricity buzzing

Heart rate is pumping

You will feel it coming

There is no more running

Wasted offerings 

No one sees

Doubts and ghosts

Strangling growth

Jagged teeth

Gnaw at my feet

As I move

Mercilessly 

It’s the habitual ritual 

That draws me to you

Howling at the moon

Primal and new

The magic of things

Lost between

These cracks

Of reality

Electricity buzzing

Heart rate is pumping

You will feel it coming

There is no more running

You will feel it coming

There is no more running X’s 2

It’s in the dark 

When you see

All that the light

Keeps pretty

Pierce through the veil

Find your way

The moon never lies

Don’t be afraid 

Honoring those 

That came before

Finding keys

To unlock doors

Fevered dreams

Sleepless nights

I only rest

By your side

Electricity buzzing

Heart rate is pumping

You will feel it coming

There is no more running

You will feel it coming

There is no more running X’s 2

Through clenched teeth 

You say you’re okay

But I know

There’s a better way

Loosen your grip

And lose control 

There’s no time

For taking it slow 

You can be my ritual

I can be your queen

Forsaken all those

Who don’t see

This fire burns 

Out of control

As above 

So below

As above 

So below X’s 3

~Amber Comber