Slumber

I am restless
My husband sleeping next to me
I listen to his breathing
My oldest son awakes from a dream
He climbs in bed between us
I lie still
Listening to them both breathe
Tossing, turning, jealous of their sleep
I try all my routines
Reading, writing, trying to clear
This busy mind of mine
I crawl in bed with my youngest child
I match my breathing rhythms to his
Tricking my body into being lulled to sleep
Nestled up close to him
Feeling like a thief
Trying to steal just a bit of his
Peace
But a train calls loudly in the distance
While the Sun creeps slowly through the
Window
And my soul is restless
Once again...

Solstice Approaching

The days have shortened and so has my energy. I find myself wanting to be in my cave with my family. Some call this seasonal depression but I find it to be more of an intense love for my family. I am not sad at home, I am content. I do not miss the noisy overpriced bars. They seem lonely to me & the rare times I do go out to them I am always thankful to come home to what really matters. (Live music on the other hand will usually always get me out of the house). Me & my husband often talk about how in love we are with our boys & we've always had this sense of urgency to spend time together. Maybe because we both work full time & our boys change with the blink of an eye. Maybe because my heart is always hurting when they are not around. Maybe it's the way they still run to greet me with a big hug screaming "momma!" when I come home from work or an evening out. How the nights they wake and crawl into bed with us outnumber the nights they don't. I think we have also seen tragedies; ones that make you clutch your family close reminding you that time is all too precious & fleeting. I think being a mom is the best thing I will ever be. I get stressed about money, bills, the dirty house, the things we need and can't afford..... then I stop to realize all I could possibly need is in this room, in front of a warm fire, and cuddled next to me. Knowing that we share this love and comfort, what more could I possibly want or need?