Phoenix Rising (January 2008)

The moon is 99% full & so are my dreams

My heart feels too heavy at times for my body to carry

I care too much for the people in my life

I hurt when they hurt; I cry when they cry

I get anxious about their well being

And find it hard to sit back & watch

When I can see what lies ahead for them

Another disaster around the corner

Another moment of soul crushing disappointment

But maybe I'm wrong this time

Maybe "this" time it will be different

But it never fucking is

The same story gets played a thousand different ways

But the ending is always the same

I know people need to make their own choices

"Learn" from their mistakes

But damn it can be painful to watch

So I close my eyes & dream of a different ending

HOPE for it, for her sad puffy eyes

For her constant need to want to fix men that are beyond repair

For gaining trust in another human being again

Even though she has every right not to

For loving herself as much as she has wasted it on others

I want her to see how beautiful she really is

How she deserves so much more than the shitty hands she's been dealt

To rise out of the ashes with her soul aflame

But I know when I walk home

I will see his clothes on the front lawn again

Thrown out in a fit of rage & despair

And yes when he comes knocking on her heart again

She will open it up & let him in

Even though it's scarred & sore

Because she is always hoping for a different ending.....

ACS