Slumber

I am restless
My husband sleeping next to me
I listen to his breathing
My oldest son awakes from a dream
He climbs in bed between us
I lie still
Listening to them both breathe
Tossing, turning, jealous of their sleep
I try all my routines
Reading, writing, trying to clear
This busy mind of mine
I crawl in bed with my youngest child
I match my breathing rhythms to his
Tricking my body into being lulled to sleep
Nestled up close to him
Feeling like a thief
Trying to steal just a bit of his
Peace
But a train calls loudly in the distance
While the Sun creeps slowly through the
Window
And my soul is restless
Once again...

Solstice Approaching

The days have shortened and so has my energy. I find myself wanting to be in my cave with my family. Some call this seasonal depression but I find it to be more of an intense love for my family. I am not sad at home, I am content. I do not miss the noisy overpriced bars. They seem lonely to me & the rare times I do go out to them I am always thankful to come home to what really matters. (Live music on the other hand will usually always get me out of the house). Me & my husband often talk about how in love we are with our boys & we've always had this sense of urgency to spend time together. Maybe because we both work full time & our boys change with the blink of an eye. Maybe because my heart is always hurting when they are not around. Maybe it's the way they still run to greet me with a big hug screaming "momma!" when I come home from work or an evening out. How the nights they wake and crawl into bed with us outnumber the nights they don't. I think we have also seen tragedies; ones that make you clutch your family close reminding you that time is all too precious & fleeting. I think being a mom is the best thing I will ever be. I get stressed about money, bills, the dirty house, the things we need and can't afford..... then I stop to realize all I could possibly need is in this room, in front of a warm fire, and cuddled next to me. Knowing that we share this love and comfort, what more could I possibly want or need?

Mc Alpine Trail

Me & Riley have been walking Mc Alpine trail after we drop brother off at TKD. I have looked forward to these walks with Riley, we get to connect on a different level without the older brother dynamic. He is always talkative and spoils me with gifts. Heart shaped leaves, dead butterflies, flowers, but most of all the world seen through his eyes. He loves to chase dragonflies and takes the time to read all the habitat signs with me. We learn about the birds, ducks, trees & flowers that surround us. He shares his day with me and stops to see the sunlight break through the bright green leaves. The trail is long with hills and winding roads and my heart smiles when he reaches for my hand. He will hold my hand most of the way until he runs ahead to chase a dragonfly or race his dog. Today we froze in our tracks as three deer ran across our path; it was amazing to see in this park surrounded by a city. I was glad they let us wander through their forest and I am forever grateful for these cherished memories.

Orange Blossoms

The scent of orange blossoms surround me and
I cannot help but think of you
Your long hair, awkward beauty, and whip smart intelligence
The way you could make any crisis of mine
Seem like a great adventure at the time
I ran circles around you
Trying to catch
Just a little of your light
I was amazed
How it radiated from you
How you didn't even try
It just came naturally
I miss the warmth of you
The knowing that you were there
The feeling that the world
Could crumble around us
And we would still stand tall
Shaking and laughing from the fall

The Ghost of Carl Sandburg

POPPIES
by Carl Sandburg
SHE loves blood-red poppies for a garden to walk in.
In a loose white gown she walks
and a new child tugs at cords in her body.
Her head to the west at evening when the dew is creeping,
A shudder of gladness runs in her bones and torsal fiber:
She loves blood-red poppies for a garden to walk in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I became enamored 

By the ghost of Carl Sandburg

It was mid June 

The intoxicating breeze of

Sweetgrass swirled around me

I walked through bamboo forest

Blooming gardens and

Pastures with goats 

Nuzzled by their young

It was full of all the simple 

Beauty of life

My feet fell humbly 

On the ground below me

As I honored the wonder 

That surrounded me

I relished in it

Like a child seeing 

For the very first time...

~Amber Comber

Solace

This is where my solace is found
Walking up the mountain
Amongst butterflies & lush trees
My children laughing & running ahead
Breathing in sweet oxygen like I never have before
Crossing streams with wooden bridges
With no urban sounds to be heard
My muscles ache with each elevated step
But my body pushes through each breath
I see a clearing ahead and can hear the falling water
I am almost there....

My Expanding Heart

There is nothing like experiencing something you hold sacred and dear with the ones you love. I took my boys to Merle Fest to see The Avett Brothers. My oldest son Greyson has been to a couple of shows but this was Riley's first show. It was HOT that day but we brought plenty of water and found a shady spot by the garden to await the The Avett's. They closed the show so by the time they came to the stage the rest of the family was wiped out, of course I wanted to get as close as possible; I can't stand feeling disconnected with the music. I was going to go it alone when Riley said "I will go with you mom! " So we trudged through the crowd of screaming fans and blistering sun while I held tight to his tiny hand. When the second song started he recognized it, sang along, and whispered into my ear with a sweet smile" Mom I can't believe we are seeing the Avett Brothers". My heart melted!

My oldest son Greyson found my Mother's Day gift at one of the Local Vendor's tents (Old Man Turtle Designs). It is a family owned business with amazing stones. There was a Red Creek Jasper pendant that had not been wrapped yet, my husband told Greyson to pick something else out. Greyson insisted on the big heart because he wanted to show me how much he loved me. I will have a hard time wearing any other necklace now and would choose it over emeralds and diamonds any day.I will always remember these moments, they will carry me through the harder times in my life and I will cling to them with a smile while fighting back the tears because it is all so bittersweet and time doesn't wait for anyone no matter how hard I try.