Promises

I promise to not open my heart

For every wounded soul 

I promise to not wear my headphones

Whilst walking the train tracks

I promise to get more sleep

I promise to eat better

I promise to take a break 

From the whiskey
When the bottles
Disappear faster than
I can pay for them.

I have been playing house
For years now
Loving everyone but myself
Becoming lonely and numb
To all that surrounds me
Soaking in long hot baths
To remove the pain and doubt
I still come out feeling
Unwashed and unworthy
One day I will remember

All the beauty

I have experienced 

And tears of happiness
Will pour from my eyes.

I have claw mark wounds
Flooding like rivers
Hemorrhaging from inside
When it comes to misery

I have the mind of an elephant 

I can never fucking let go
I know now that I have to
Before it consumes me
Even if I have to burn
It all to begin again.

Amber C. Smith 2016