Unraveling

It's  astounding 

How quickly

One can unravel

As the world carries 

On all around them

Leaving a trail

Of blood 

Tears and

Self worth 

Behind you

That even 

The flowers

Have to weep 

As you walk by

And sacrifice

Themselves

To the concrete

Just to try 

To soften

Your step.

~Amber C. Smith 2015

Anna's Atalaya

The walls were painted

The color of the sea

I could hear the waves

Crashing in the distance

Wandering the terraces 

That were used

To sculpt and write on

The ghost of inspiration

Heavy in the air

The sun and salt

Kissing my skin

I want to feel at peace 

The way Anna must have 

Confident in my purpose

Empowered to create

And share my passion 

But the doubts 

Have been hovering 

About me

Like vultures

Waiting to attack 

I have been clawing at my skin

Since I was six years old

Anytime I'm overwhelmed

My nails find my flesh

I don't draw blood 

Like I used to

Only when it gets really bad

I released my father's ashes

At sunrise into the 

Same ocean that

Surrounds Atalaya 

The dunes are wild 

The sand is soft 

Like spun silk

Until the sharp

Spurs and shells

Find my winter feet

I walk to find

Where the water

Meets the shore

Letting it carry away 

Some of this weight 

With each gentle current

I am numb to the cold

As I have been to 

My life lately

Placating others and 

Forgetting myself

With each passing day

We found a pair of black boots 

Left in the old servants quarters

They were exactly my size

I am ready to slip them on

And finally find myself

A vision and journey 

I know now that 

Only I can take and 

A defiant spirit

To not be molded

From the eyes 

Of someone else.

~Amber Comber 2015

Sparrow Blue

Some days I feel like Sylvia

Opening the oven door

When Anais walks

Into the kitchen

And reminds me to live

Feel the flush of my skin

When he whispers in my ear
My heartbeat like a drum
Desirous of everything

Cocooned in satin at

The sound of Billie's voice

Tasting the subtle notes

Of the Bordeaux 

As it hits my tongue

Trickles down my throat

Sets fire to my belly

Bicycling down steep hills

As the wind 

slam-dances 

With me...

But It's been six days

Since I've seen

Our city's skyline
The tops of the buildings
Swallowed by a thick
Suffocating fog

And I feel I am being

Carried away with it

The sky won't stop

Weeping and the

Atmospheric pressure

Crushes my heart 

A little more each day

It's taking all my strength

To avoid a shallow life

Dive deep within myself

To find the answers

Be filled purpose

And to know 

I cannot save anyone

I can only love them

Including myself...

~Amber C. Smith 2015

Seahorses

Encased in glass with water and shells 

Two seahorses floated beside her bed

The chaos was always heavy in the air

She wanted to be anywhere but here

I would just lay on my stomach

Hypnotized by the two seahorses 

Afraid to see the wildness in her eyes

Making contact was always dangerous

It was smarter to look away

But it was like watching a beautiful storm

That pulls you in while 

Destroying 

Everything

That stands in its way.

~Amber C. Smith 2015

Walking Pneumonia

I liken it to my bout with pneumonia

The doctor called it walking pneumonia
Because I don't know when to stop
I let something consume me
In hopes that I can still
Make it out alive
I function daily

My heart filled with
An unquenchable longing
My chest bruised and scarred

Held together with

Fresh sutures
Breathing becomes difficult
I feel that tickle creep in my throat

When I have been silent too long

When the whiskey is my friend
And I am not sleeping again
I feel the familiar burning
Rise up in my chest
And I wonder
How others waste 

Oxygen so easily

How they move 

Through life so freely

Untouched by the

Pain and suffering 

Oh how I envy them...

~Amber C. Smith 2015

Awakening

It's the habitual rituals

That draw me to you

The copper smell on my fingers 

Early morning dew

Coffe hot black

Wine red ready

The magic of the things lost 

Between the cracks of reality

Howling at the full moon

Primal And New...

~Amber C. Smith 2015

Dry Your Eyes

Franz Kofta veggie burgers
Cinnamon and Pears
Feed myself on memories
That fight to enter
My current fucked
State of reality
Life is slipping
Through the cracks
Daily
I am missing bodies
That used to hold me
All I am left with
Are old movies in my mind

And a longing

That gnaws at

The root of me
I know holding on is impossible
Yet my hands are bloodied
From grasping so hard
For too long
And my heart refuses
To forget
That fucking song...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywAgzAYUFls