Dust

I get the summer sads

Like others get 

The winter blues

These ghosts that rise

And turn to dust 

Filling my lungs

With memories of you

I hope it snows this winter

One good storm

To hide all that

Is ugly about this year

I want the pristine white

To eat away at the darkness

That is creeping in around me...

~Amber C. Smith 2015

Pawn Shop Heart

I have a pawn shop heart

That will never be free

It trust with each 

Tender word

Wanting to believe

But the payments

Never come through

And it breaks more

With each lie

Received 

The trouble with 

Loving addicts

Is you forget

You yourself

Are worthy.

~Amber C. Smith (June 2015)

Water Moccasin

The scent in the air

Reminds me of the river

Being young and naive

The wonder of life

The innocence leaving

The stillness so loud

My heart beat echoed

The rope swing

The watermelon 

The tales of

Water moccasin nest

And the death that followed 

A darkness so deep

The light could never find

A way to penetrate 

The secrets that murky

Water held

The shame in that

Gas station bathroom

Look pretty but

Not too pretty

Run faster 

Scream louder

And when there is blood 

On your mouth 

And skin under your nails

Use it to curse

Him and all the 

Others like him.

Amber C. Smith (June 2015)

Radishes

Radishes remind me of you

Your work worn hands

Cleaning the red skin 

Of the earth still attached 

Your enjoyment of

Sinking your teeth into

Something so vibrant

Beautiful

White

Pure

And always 

Bitter 

In the end

Constant triggers

Fill my eyes

With salt water

The sadness weaves

Through my ribs

Up my spine

Tearing at my flesh

Muscles aching

Recoiled in darkness

Reaching for the light

~Amber C. Smith 2015

Static (Consumption Casualties lyrics)

Here we go

One more time

Same old bullshit

New tired line

Telling me

Things will change

How many times

Before I go insane

Broke my heart

I lost my mind

Still can't see 

What I don't want to find

Say you'll be there 

Oh how you care

What good is that 

If we go nowhere

Chorus: 

Reaching through the static 

To find our frequency 

(X's 3)

The closer we get

The further we fall

Seems impossible

To fucking evolve

You punch through doors

Begging forgiveness

I run away 

Wishing for stillness

My tongue has sharpened

Like a knife

Carving doubts in my mind

You lose your baggage

I'll lose mine

Let's leave this bullshit behind

Chorus

Reading Bukowski 

Into the night

Drinking whiskey

Just to fight

You have the power

To make me rage

I lose my way

More each day

The static grows

With every word

We speak

It's never easy

To just let 

Things be

Close your eyes

Quiet your mind

I know 

You can find me

Just give it time

Chorus

~Amber C. Smith 2015

February

Some collect hearts 

Just to shatter them

Crafting haunting

Mosaics

Of the carnage

Left behind

I watched you move

From one lover to the next

Like that bright glittery

Super bouncy ball

I liked to slam 

Against walls

Just to annoy you

You were content

Until they stopped feeding 

Your ego and addictions 

Believing in your lies

I know in the end

It caught up with you

Leaving you lost and alone

How frightened you must have been

Watching the sun rise and set

In the same dark room

Lit with the ember of your

Everlasting cigarette

Listening to sad music

And mind fucking 

Yourself Into oblivion 

I know your heart broke 

Swollen and bruised

Losing it's rhythm 

With each lover 

Left behind

Forgetting yourself 

Is impossible in the end

No matter how deep

You bury yourself

In another's skin.

~Amber C. Smith (2015)

Sunrise Flight

Three cigarettes were left in the ashtray 

With a can of beer beside it

Almost like you were

Coming right back

But it had been fourteen days

Since your body finally decided to

Surrender to the war you 

Waged against it for so many years

I could see the imprint in the sofa

Where you spent your time alone

The room was forever stained 

With stale cigarette smoke

Like the local dive bar

You used to waste your time in

The reality of it all punched me in the gut

I'm sorry I sent the cops over last month

Because you sounded like you just had a stroke

I know the attention upset you and 

The holidays must have been hard for you all alone

I'm sorry that I never mailed that card 

With the photos from our last visit

I'm sorry I didn't call more

I'm sorry for so many fucking things

But mostly 

That I will never see you again

I hope you know I loved and forgave you

We are all human making it however we can

I know you spent those last days calling me 

Trying to apologize in all the ways you never knew how

I know one day I will be able to listen to Neil Young

Without having rivers 

Waterfall from my eyes

I know it will get easier when people 

Give their condolences after hearing about you

I will hold our visit last Summer in my mind

Locked away with a key no one can find

So it doesn't get left in the Sun

Fading with each passing day

I went to Kerouac's favorite bar after seeing you

Thinking of his death and worrying about your life

I wrote about our visit because I had to

That is how I process and release the things

That weigh too heavy in my heart

"I hope in the end we all truly find peace

I hope in the end we all feel loved

I hope in the end we are released

From all the pain, sadness, and regret 

That we numb ourselves from daily."

There were 600 miles between us

I knew the morning I saw that beautiful sunrise

And heard Bill Fay sing Jesus Etc.

That the Universe was telling me something 

I hope your flight was free from pain and filled with peace.

~Amber Comber (February 2015)