Whiskey and Strangers

He reminded me of you

How you must have looked

Before your dad

Beat you down daily

Before life's responsibilities

Killed your soul

Before the booze 

Claimed your liver

Before the women 

Left you lonely

Before you walked out

On your family 

Here I stand 

Four 

Decades 

Later

In a crowded bar

Whiskey in my hand

Loud music in my ears

Feeling like a lost little girl

From seeing you in

A stranger's face

Memories sharp like knives

How many times will I bleed

Before letting go?

~Amber C. Smith 2014

Snow Kissed

I know your wounds are still fresh

I can taste the salt from your tears

They have left trails for me

To walk in everyday

Head hung low

Heart too heavy

Gasping for air

Some days your eyes clouded

With doubts of the past and

Worry for the future

Will open wide

And be here now

Like a beautiful snow cloud

That blankets all that is ugly

Leaving it so still and pure

We have to shield our eyes
From the naked Sun

And remember to breathe

Being kissed by the magic

Of the falling snow

Our lips wet with promises

Our hearts beating in our throats

This moment is all there is

We are full of hope

We will hold each other

Like nothing has gone wrong

Leaving our past buried 

With this winter snow

Take my trembling hand

I promise to never let go.

~Amber C. Smith 2014

Written in Cursive

I have been writing in cursive

So I don't forget how 

So it will look elegant

On paper 

When my choice of words

Fail me

I touch the hem of your slip

Every time I rise to walk

My fingers find the folds 

Burying themselves for comfort

Remembering your arms 

That would wrap around me

To give me that same security

I watch my son as he sleeps

Fixated on his Comber chin

A mirror of mine 

A reflection of yours

Genes have never been 

More triumphant

I replay that same song

Even though it leaves my eyes

Too misty to drive

The soft shoulder always

Welcomes me 

My windows rolled up

Silencing the guttural cries

That leave my body in a panic

As they trip over all the words 

Left unsaid between us.

~Amber C. Smith (2014)

New Growth

We stumble into 2014

Licking our wounds

Fresh with blood

In search of

Butterfly bandages

To minimize

The scarring 

Compound fractures

Broken bones

Wanting to 

Wash

Burn

Set

All that damaged

Us this past year

Casting off 2013

Like a weight

That has kept us

Underwater

Not able to see clearly

Because  the salt

Burns our eyes

Not able to hear

One another through the 

Murkiness

Of the deep water

From our own despair

This year fucked us good

In all the worst ways

We were both lost

Clutching to one another

Out of fear, habit

It can only get better 

From here

We will burn it all

For new growth

Making our forest

Lush with promise 

Hold my hand 

Don't look back

For those ghosts

Will just cloud your

Beautiful mind 

With doubts 

And we can't

Afford to take on any

Extra baggage this year.

~Amber C. Smith 2014

Gemini Full Moon

"This alignment also triggers a powerful release of the past, clearing out old trauma-based belief systems so we can see the present and future more clearly."

It's Wednesday morning

I am drinking coffee

Upon the red bricks

Of my back steps

Thinking of you

My house is shrinking 

By the minute

Suffocating me

My hunger

For fresh air is overwhelming

The December Sun is blinding

Illuminating the bare branches

That pierce the perfect blue sky

I mended your slip again last week

The one you gave me when I was 16

It has been tattered and worn

Lovingly through the years 

My body has grown and shrunk 

With each inch of silk and lace 

It hugs me perfectly now

Reminding me of you

Your laughter

Your flaming red hair

Your beauty

Your stories and scars

Hidden by pride

How you would cup my face

With your elegant fingers

Gazing into my eyes to say

"goodbye,

I love you,

don't be a stranger"

I didn't visit as often as I should have

Even less when over 600 miles 

Grew between us

Coming home has always been like 

Stepping into a boxing rink for me

Leaving my heart and head 

More sore and bruised

With each return

I wanted to bring the boys to see you

I wanted you to be tangible to them

Not just a character in one of my stories

I know you loved me through all the madness

As I loved and forgave you through yours

I only smile when I think of you now

There is a breeze making the hem of your slip dance today

And I know that is your way of telling me it is all going to be okay.

~Amber C. Smith (December 2013)

Daggers (Consumption Casualties lyrics)

Filling these voids

As the holes grow larger

Screaming on the inside 

While I walk past you

Hello hello can you see me 

Hello hello can you hear me

Take this weight 

It's crushing my chest

These bruises and scars

Burn at your caress

Skin pulls tight

Synapses fire

I hear your words

Sharp like daggers 

In my mind 

Everything is fine

All I have is

This wasted time

Don't be frightened 

By what you see

Could it be

You never knew me

Skin pulls tight

Synapses fire

I hear your words

Sharp like daggers

You can't hurt me anymore

I found a way

To even the score

Skin pulls tight

Synapses fire

I hear your words

Sharp like daggers

~Amber C. Smith 2013/14

After the Phone Call

I love autumn leaf tornadoes 

That swirl like dervishes 

Over the black asphalt

Trains that call out my name

Just when I need to hear them

Standing beside the tracks

To feel the wind upon my skin

Reminding me how alive I am

Poets that make me weep

While giving me hope

In a room full of strangers

Standing shoulder to shoulder

Having a collective heartbeat

That could deafen the world.

~Amber Comber (Autumn 2013)