Daggers (Consumption Casualties lyrics)

Filling these voids

As the holes grow larger

Screaming on the inside 

While I walk past you

Hello hello can you see me 

Hello hello can you hear me

Take this weight 

It's crushing my chest

These bruises and scars

Burn at your caress

Skin pulls tight

Synapses fire

I hear your words

Sharp like daggers 

In my mind 

Everything is fine

All I have is

This wasted time

Don't be frightened 

By what you see

Could it be

You never knew me

Skin pulls tight

Synapses fire

I hear your words

Sharp like daggers

You can't hurt me anymore

I found a way

To even the score

Skin pulls tight

Synapses fire

I hear your words

Sharp like daggers

~Amber C. Smith 2013/14

After the Phone Call

I love autumn leaf tornadoes 

That swirl like dervishes 

Over the black asphalt

Trains that call out my name

Just when I need to hear them

Standing beside the tracks

To feel the wind upon my skin

Reminding me how alive I am

Poets that make me weep

While giving me hope

In a room full of strangers

Standing shoulder to shoulder

Having a collective heartbeat

That could deafen the world.

~Amber Comber (Autumn 2013)

Sky Walking

Walking the skybridge to your doctor's appointment

You took hold of my hand

I had to stop and breathe in the moment

"What mom, oh do you need to take a picture?"

I smile at your intuition and how you follow suit

Everyone rushing past us 

Not even raising their heads to glance outside

Missing all the wonder surrounding us

While we stand there suspended in air 

Capturing  images

Of the trees set aflame

By Autumn's fiery kisses

Branches piercing

The perfect blue sky

Leaves glistening like

Red rubies bathed in sunlight

I hope I never lose this sense of awe

Imbued by the changing seasons

The fortuitousness of being your mother

Even though you grow older each day

You will always be my firstborn

And I still have to catch my breath at the beauty of it all.

~Amber C. Smith (Autumn 2013)

Rooster

I was your brown eyed girl

The daughter you always wanted

You were the father I needed

I remember singing in the car

At the top of our lungs

Your zealous love of life and

Desperate need for laughter

Your friends were like brothers

Holding dark secrets  

That always left you feeling blue

Yet your door was always open

To each ragged soul 

That was passing through

You fought your demons daily

Lashing out to your wife

Fits of rage that would leave

Me and your daughter trembling

Entangled with fear 

Bracing for the crash

And waiting for 

The monsters to leave

I know you had nightmares 

Every time you closed your eyes

You would stay awake for days 

Just to escape them

You came back from Vietnam 

A broken man 

Feverishly

Looking 

For the pieces

To put you back together again

I wanted so badly 

For you to find that peace

Without having to take your life

Like so many of your friends did

Some in your own home 

I know I could empathize with you

But that I would never understand

The horrors that haunted you 

Or how to make them go away

It may have been

The alcohol

The drugs

The agent orange

Your body finally gave up

And your mind was finally free

There are moments I miss you

Beyond these words I write

I can still hear you singing 

"My brown eyed girl..."

Like you're sitting beside me

Windows down 

The ocean breeze 

Whipping through my hair

And I smile at these memories

I can't hear Rooster to this day

Without weeping uncontrollably 

And wishing I could see you

One

Last 

Time...

 ~Amber C. Smith (October 2014)

http://youtu.be/uAE6Il6OTcs

Dali and Gala Walk With Deer

Since I have returned

I have made chili de Arbol 

At least ten times

I listen to Andrea Gibson speak

Now

Remembering

How still I sat

Beside you

Open and vulnerable

On the Autumn Equinox

Feeling as though my 

Heart would explode

Just from the beauty

Of her words

How we both left there

Mouth open in awe

Speechless

I've smudged my house

With our freshly gathered

Santa Rosa Sage

Hoping to surround

Myself with this 

Sacred energy

My soul smiles often

At the memory

Of seeing the Milky Way

With my naked eye

I can feel the mountain winds

Dance through my hair

With the same intensity

As the Venice Beach breeze

Grabbed each auburn strand

Kissing them like a

Long lost lover

The desert sands

Anointed my skin

With a cosmic dust

Preparing me for all

The wonders that lie ahead

Butterscotch trees wafting

Through the forest

Guiding us

To our spirit animals

Reminding us to trust

Our intuition and gentle hearts

I came to you weary 

My soul malnourished

In need of my Gemini Twin

You welcomed me

To your paradise

Into your home

And beautiful family

I will be forever

Grateful 

Carrying these memories

In the treasure chest 

Of my heart.

~Amber Comber

The Act of Breathing

Things I must remind myself

I am unable to fix what has broken

But these wounds will 

Heal if given the time

Hopefully making me stronger

It is impossible to

Give and accept love

If you are afraid of being hurt

Some people can walk away

From the wreckage

Never looking back

My hands gather

All the twisted metal

Fractured bones

Bleeding lacerations

Feverishly looking

For ways to end the pain and

Cauterize the veins

To stop the hemorrhaging

Cradling all these fragile souls

In this crowded heart of mine

My walls have become

So swollen

That I can barely breathe

The bruises on my chest

Are visible to only me

How do I explain

What others

Cannot see

I can only gasp 

Yearning

For this breath

To finally fill me.

💫Amber Comber

Winter's Weight

You can not rationalize with a drunk

Did you learn nothing from your childhood

Bite your tongue

Taste the blood

And walk away

"Will we make it through Winter?"

He questions with concern

I swallow the lump in my throat

And nod looking away

My eyes already misty

The doubt creeping in

I want to smile often

So you will question less

Believing in happily ever after

Feeling ecstatic from 

Stupid fucking pop songs

I want to scrub 

Everything so clean

That the shine will blind you

While occupying my mind and

Keeping these demons at bay

My bones can already feel

The chill in the air

The darkness will set in

As it does every year

I want to put all the mistakes

The mean and hurtful words

Burning them in Autumn's

First fire

Hoping this Winter 

Will weigh less

On my tired soul

But I've never known how to

Outrun these ghosts of mine

And they seem to get heavier

With each approaching year

Surviving  Winter

Is always a battle.

~Amber C. Smith 2013