The Act of Breathing

Things I must remind myself

I am unable to fix what has broken

But these wounds will 

Heal if given the time

Hopefully making me stronger

It is impossible to

Give and accept love

If you are afraid of being hurt

Some people can walk away

From the wreckage

Never looking back

My hands gather

All the twisted metal

Fractured bones

Bleeding lacerations

Feverishly looking

For ways to end the pain and

Cauterize the veins

To stop the hemorrhaging

Cradling all these fragile souls

In this crowded heart of mine

My walls have become

So swollen

That I can barely breathe

The bruises on my chest

Are visible to only me

How do I explain

What others

Cannot see

I can only gasp 

Yearning

For this breath

To finally fill me.

💫Amber Comber

Winter's Weight

You can not rationalize with a drunk

Did you learn nothing from your childhood

Bite your tongue

Taste the blood

And walk away

"Will we make it through Winter?"

He questions with concern

I swallow the lump in my throat

And nod looking away

My eyes already misty

The doubt creeping in

I want to smile often

So you will question less

Believing in happily ever after

Feeling ecstatic from 

Stupid fucking pop songs

I want to scrub 

Everything so clean

That the shine will blind you

While occupying my mind and

Keeping these demons at bay

My bones can already feel

The chill in the air

The darkness will set in

As it does every year

I want to put all the mistakes

The mean and hurtful words

Burning them in Autumn's

First fire

Hoping this Winter 

Will weigh less

On my tired soul

But I've never known how to

Outrun these ghosts of mine

And they seem to get heavier

With each approaching year

Surviving  Winter

Is always a battle.

~Amber C. Smith 2013

Wasted Love

Small reminders

A silver earring

Bent at the post

A fading bruise

The TV

Blabbering

About Football 

In the other room

How easy was it

To take my love

Earn my trust

Entering my reality

Like a dream

Just to escape

Like a thief

In the night

Don't worry

I stopped

Holding my breath

Scratching my skin

Missing your presence

Crying myself to sleep

It took me years 

To finally realize

That 

Loving someone

Isn't always enough.

~Amber C. Smith (Autumn 2013)

Hearts

We are all so fragile

Aching from

Day to day

Waiting to be set aflame

With purpose and meaning

Hiding our hearts

Cupped in our hands 

Like a sweet secret

We are afraid to share

But want so badly to

My limbs are heavy

My heart is swollen

I want to hold 

Everyone I have

Ever 

Loved

Close to my

Bruised chest

Whispering 

You are beautiful

You are loved

Please accept this

Moment in time

Let it carry you

Because it is all so

Fucking fleeting.

~Amber C.Smith

My Bloody Hell

Lyrics for Anxious Bench song

Here it comes 

The hazy sun

Shedding light 

On all that's wrong

Whiskey soaked sheets

Apologies trapped by teeth

The night makes easy company

Chorus:

Don't try to save me 

I'm too far gone

Don't try to touch me

My edges are too sharp

Leaving you bloody

And breaking your heart

Don't try to save me 

Don't try to save me

These ghosts I keep

As secrets fade slowly

Slaying all this doubt

And all I want is now

Fuck the future anyhow

What has it ever given me 

But disappointment 

And anxiety

Chorus

Come with me

We'll travel to the sea

Let the salt water cleanse

These sins out of me

Transcending from this hell

We have made our reality

Or watch as all hope

Disappears from me

Chorus

~Amber C. Smith 2013

Downward Spiral

We are all

Silently licking 

Wounds

Waiting

For scar tissue

To protect

Our minds

To forget

Our hearts to

Forgive

I am my worst

Enemy

Conjuring ghosts 

Of my past

That

Thievishly

Haunt my present

Leaving me with

That sinking feeling

That hangs on

Too often 

Too long

Overwhelming 

As life goes on

Around me

Lost and alone

In a room 

Full of friends

My only ally 

Leaving me

Feeling pulled 

By the train whistle

Distracted by the wind

The restlessness always

Percolating in my veins

Like a caged animal
Compulsively looking 

Over my shoulder
Waiting for someone 

To break me free
Not realizing 

I am the only one

With that power.

~Amber C. Smith 2013

Worship

He wants to worship me

But my hands are dirty

And my dress is torn

His faith is shaky

And the confessionals

Are closed at three am

When the alcohol and Valium

Cloud those

Blue 

Eyes 

Gray

With doubt

My knees are bruised 

From kneeling so long

On this 

Filthy

Concrete

Floor

Have I repented enough

To let the light back in?

~Amber C. Smith (August 2013)